Loaves. They are the dullest member of the cake family. So dull that they usually require butter just to liven them up. They border on being good for you. Some people put nuts in them, I am totally against that - I believe, without fact checking of any kind, that nuts in loaves are against the Geneva Convention.
This divine little creature that I'm about to furnish you with is a sort of loaf, but don't move to the next blog, don't, don't. Stay here, I will account for all this loaf lauding nonsense. It's loaf-y, but does not require butter and I generally ice this sucker as well. Because I'm a rule breaker. People make rules and I snap them over my knee and laugh. And then rub my knee.
Ok - a piece of business : Pre heat your oven to 180 and they reckon that you need to double line an 18cm square tin. I single lined a 20 cm one, so there you go - worked fine. What was their issue?
Now, don't get discouraged but there's a bit of chopping a bit of zesting to be done before we start the actual baking. This is the price that you pay for awesome fruitiness. I was zesting the orange and after looking at it's semi grazed state I was uncomfortably reminded of the those ads that are everywhere that show the motorcycle guy with all the skin missing off his legs and the slogan "It was too hot to wear my gear". This probably won't happen to you, it is the product of my overactive associating mind. It's my price to pay for an unbelievably quick wit and brilliantly glib sleight-of-mouth. The burden is weird mental associations.
Cut up 225 grams of dried apricots, get the sulphur free one's if you must. Whatever. Add to this 120 grams of chopped glace or crystallised ginger and 120 grams of crystallised pineapple. Pop them in a bowl together - they will be fine like that. I did it and no fights at all. I did make an example of a couple of them though.
See, bless them, happy as Larry all together. And also zest half a lemon and half an orange (reserve the juice from those too, you'll need it). Try not to think about grazing and blood and missing skin.
Cream 170g butter with 150g of castor sugar. I routinely microwave butter, I never leave it out on a sunny window sill, or whatever you're meant to do. I chop it up and then nuke it and it usually melts. So, yeah. Besides I would have been waiting all goddamned day for a sunny sill round here. Can you believe this weather!
Gradually beat three eggs into the sugar/butter mix along with a few drops of vanilla essence. Sift 225g plain flour and a tsp and a half of baking powder together separately and then just throw a bit in once your egg/sugar mix is nice and light. Beat that all together and then fold the rest of the flour mix in. I *think* that's because it keeps it airy - I actually really don't know.
Now, I know that you have a lot of dried fruit sitting there and you're thinking that it seems an awful lot. It is an awful lot, but somehow this works, it's probably something to do with pagan Gods and witchcraft,but don't let that worry you. .
Fold in all your fruit, the zested rinds and the juice, give her a stir around, if the mix is not nice and pliable and doesn't have a "soft dropping consistency" then add a bit of milk until it does.
It tastes really good, go ahead and eat some. I always do, as does Gabe. This is the part actually where he suddenly appeared at my elbow as if summoned from his nap by the licking bowl fairy and said:
"What are you doing? I'll help. Don't do anything else. I'm getting my chair. Did you add eggs? Can I add them? Can I taste that? Where's my water?" Until I bled from the ears and fell to the floor weeping. And gave him the beaters to lick.
The other day on the tram Gabe and I had climbed on and he sat next to me and was his usual voluble self. As I went to get off an elderly man drily remarked "Chatty little fellow isn't he?". "Dude", I wanted to say "That is the fucking truth." But instead I nodded and gave him that funny half shrug and roll of the eyes and facial contortion that indicated that, although his talking drove me mad I loved it because I was his mother. Which is partly true.
Pop your gorgeous mix into the lined tin and smooth it over. This is where things get a bit crazy - put it in the oven and leave it there for 20 mins and then turn the oven down to 160 and leave it in for a further - get ready - one and a half to TWO hours. Anyway, mine was done in about 55 mins, keeping in mind that it was in a bigger tin. Just check it like you normally would, when the skewer comes out clean, pull it out.
I always add some plain lemon icing to this - I am a demon for plain lemon icing tho... It is a delicious cake, fruity and gingery with the biting lemon icing and it always turns out beautifully and always tastes great. No joke. :)
This divine little creature that I'm about to furnish you with is a sort of loaf, but don't move to the next blog, don't, don't. Stay here, I will account for all this loaf lauding nonsense. It's loaf-y, but does not require butter and I generally ice this sucker as well. Because I'm a rule breaker. People make rules and I snap them over my knee and laugh. And then rub my knee.
 |
| Artists impression of the finished loaf cake. |
Ok - a piece of business : Pre heat your oven to 180 and they reckon that you need to double line an 18cm square tin. I single lined a 20 cm one, so there you go - worked fine. What was their issue?
Now, don't get discouraged but there's a bit of chopping a bit of zesting to be done before we start the actual baking. This is the price that you pay for awesome fruitiness. I was zesting the orange and after looking at it's semi grazed state I was uncomfortably reminded of the those ads that are everywhere that show the motorcycle guy with all the skin missing off his legs and the slogan "It was too hot to wear my gear". This probably won't happen to you, it is the product of my overactive associating mind. It's my price to pay for an unbelievably quick wit and brilliantly glib sleight-of-mouth. The burden is weird mental associations.
 |
| Does this remind you of a guy with no skin? |
Cut up 225 grams of dried apricots, get the sulphur free one's if you must. Whatever. Add to this 120 grams of chopped glace or crystallised ginger and 120 grams of crystallised pineapple. Pop them in a bowl together - they will be fine like that. I did it and no fights at all. I did make an example of a couple of them though.
See, bless them, happy as Larry all together. And also zest half a lemon and half an orange (reserve the juice from those too, you'll need it). Try not to think about grazing and blood and missing skin.
Cream 170g butter with 150g of castor sugar. I routinely microwave butter, I never leave it out on a sunny window sill, or whatever you're meant to do. I chop it up and then nuke it and it usually melts. So, yeah. Besides I would have been waiting all goddamned day for a sunny sill round here. Can you believe this weather!
Gradually beat three eggs into the sugar/butter mix along with a few drops of vanilla essence. Sift 225g plain flour and a tsp and a half of baking powder together separately and then just throw a bit in once your egg/sugar mix is nice and light. Beat that all together and then fold the rest of the flour mix in. I *think* that's because it keeps it airy - I actually really don't know.
Fold in all your fruit, the zested rinds and the juice, give her a stir around, if the mix is not nice and pliable and doesn't have a "soft dropping consistency" then add a bit of milk until it does.
It tastes really good, go ahead and eat some. I always do, as does Gabe. This is the part actually where he suddenly appeared at my elbow as if summoned from his nap by the licking bowl fairy and said:
"What are you doing? I'll help. Don't do anything else. I'm getting my chair. Did you add eggs? Can I add them? Can I taste that? Where's my water?" Until I bled from the ears and fell to the floor weeping. And gave him the beaters to lick.
The other day on the tram Gabe and I had climbed on and he sat next to me and was his usual voluble self. As I went to get off an elderly man drily remarked "Chatty little fellow isn't he?". "Dude", I wanted to say "That is the fucking truth." But instead I nodded and gave him that funny half shrug and roll of the eyes and facial contortion that indicated that, although his talking drove me mad I loved it because I was his mother. Which is partly true.
Pop your gorgeous mix into the lined tin and smooth it over. This is where things get a bit crazy - put it in the oven and leave it there for 20 mins and then turn the oven down to 160 and leave it in for a further - get ready - one and a half to TWO hours. Anyway, mine was done in about 55 mins, keeping in mind that it was in a bigger tin. Just check it like you normally would, when the skewer comes out clean, pull it out.
 |
| The same cake after a small attack with a Gimp filter,. |
 |
| The cake after a small attack |
I always add some plain lemon icing to this - I am a demon for plain lemon icing tho... It is a delicious cake, fruity and gingery with the biting lemon icing and it always turns out beautifully and always tastes great. No joke. :)
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